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Negative Effects of Divorce on Children

Going through a divorce can be devastating for many families and unfortunately it hits the children hardest. The effects of divorce on children will largely depend on a variety of factors such as their age, their relationship with both of their parents and how the changes they are experiencing are communicated to them.

Of course divorce will always be difficult for children, however in some situations it can for the best, especially long term. Although it is almost impossible to consider any positive effects of divorce on children, a divorce will stop endless arguments between the parents and create a more nurturing home atmosphere for the children in the long run. Below will be considered some of the negative effects of divorce on children and what can be done to make the process as painless as possible for children.

Change

Children will undoubtedly find the changes that come with divorce unsettling. This is particularly true for young children, who may find it hard to understand what exactly is happening and why. Children thrive in consistency so the separation of their parents may be shocking, scary and confusing. Studies have shown that children experiencing the divorce of their parents may exhibit the following behaviours:

• Depression
• Mood swings
• Change in eating habits
• Disturbed sleep
• Apathy

It is important to remember that these problems are natural in the process of healing a traumatic experience and like adults children will go through a series of emotions during the healing process.  Often this takes the form of:

• Denial- children may find it hard to accept what is happening so may do their best to continue as normal pretending nothing is changing
• Once they realise that this is a real situation, they may become angry with one or both parents or start to blame themselves

It is vital for both parents to keep talking to their children in order to offer reassurance as well as explain what is happening and why. Parents should encourage their children to ask questions and express how they are feeling so that they know their feeling are important and being heard.

Fear of Losing Connection to Parents

With one parent moving out of the family home, the family dynamic is in the process of big changes. Children may start to fear that they might not be able to see the parent who has left, or worry about how they will cope. They may:

• Become insecure
• Crave the attention and presence of the parent who has moved
• Feel isolated and alone
• Try to get their parents back together

It is vital to explain to the child that both parents still love them and will be in their lives. Parents should try as much as possible to reassure children that the change in family dynamic will not mean the loss of one parent.

Where possible they should also ensure that the child has as much contact with the parent (who may have moved out) to show them that they can see them and maintain their relationship and connection. Care should be taken to not involve the children into the parent’s problems in order to avoid the child feeling guilty for wanting to have a relationship with both parents.

The Relationship of Mum and Dad

Divorce can be immensely difficult to adjust to for both parents and this may create feelings of resentment, hostility and blame. As much as possible it is vital to demonstrate to the children that parents are able to have an amicable relationship despite the divorce.

Although it may be very difficult it is advisable that parents try their best to not exhibit feelings of resentment and hostility to one another, as this is likely to confuse the child and make them begin to see the situation as the fault of one parent. This could break their connection to them and harm their future relationships with one or both parents. Maintaining an amicable relationship will also help children learn about relationships and lessen the possibility of them having difficult relationship of their own later in life.

Article  by Outofstress.com expert author ‘Iva Dragostinova’. Do not reproduce.