How to Get Past Resentments?
Some of our deepest suffering comes from resentment. It’s common for most of us to carry resentment against other people or some past situations. The root cause of resentment of course is that our ego, or sense of self, feels “insulted” or slighted in some manner.
Of course if you look at the ultimate truth, our ego is just a mind made idea of who we are. So what we perceive as an insult to our ego is just an idea upon an idea. When we drop the idea of ourselves we stop carrying resentment around. But to reach this state you need to have a high level of consciousness.
Most of us find it very difficult to get over the idea of our ego. The sad fact is that as long as the ego persists you will carry resentment in one form or the other. There is no escaping it. We can pretend that we are above negativity but a little honesty will reveal that it’s just a false notion.
The suffering caused by our resentment ultimately hurts us more than anyone else. Some of us carry the painful burden of past resentment against our parents or ex-husband/wife, which eats into our sense of peace every day. Resentment is automatically combined with complaining either as an internal dialogue or verbal cribbing.
It’s important to get past resentment to live more lightly because it is a huge burden. Here are few tips on how to let go of resentment.
Realize that your well-being is more important than resentment – It’s important to realize that resentment hurts your wellness. The negative energy generated by past grudges and spites ultimately eats into our physical and mental health. Medical personnel’s agree that negativity usually results in the onset of several diseases and vulnerabilities.
Nobody can insult you without your permission – If you feel slighted by someone’s behavior towards you or by someone actions against you, it’s because somewhere inside you gave away your power this person. People can say or do anything they want but you can’t feel hurt or insulted unless you give your own power away. You can’t control other but you are responsible for your inner state.
Look at resentment as an opportunity to grow – If you are vulnerable to the remarks, actions and opinions of others it means you have a lot of growing up to do, if you want to stop suffering that is. If you resent someone, it’s your weakness. Become stronger by not letting your ego dominate your state of being. See that the ego is only a voice in your head and you have the power to stay unattached to it.
Avoid the use of alcohol to suppress resentment – Of course alcohol can help slow down the thinking mind and that can be a relief. But the unconsciousness generated by alcohol can deepen our vulnerability to pain and make us feel even more victimized. When you are drunk you will feel even more pain than when you were conscious, until you reach unconsciousness or stupor.
Listen to some spiritual satsangs – If you are being tormented by resentment, and the suffering becomes unbearable, it’s an indication that the alarm of “inner journey” has gone off in you. It’s time to start the inward journey back to your true source, in other words its time to eliminate the ego. It helps to attend some silent retreats or spiritual satsangs to get a taste of a truer way of living that is beyond ego.
No one said it’s going to be easy – Living with the voice in our head, the ego, is about the toughest way to live but 99.9 percent of the human population lives in this prison. We suffer, we feel tremendous pain, we get ill, we lose our sense of peace and yet we are not willing to let go of ego.
A “personality” can never overcome resentment completely. Why? Because it’s not easy, it contains years of conditions and requires a high level of sincerity and consciousness to get out of. As long as we are in ego land we have to cope with resentment and the pain which comes from it. To really get 100% past resentment and complaining you have to get past ego completely.
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