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How to Handle Difficult People in the Workplace?

Every challenge that you face in your life is an opportunity for growth. If you face life situations with this attitude you can’t help but succeed. It’s easy to blame life for being harsh towards you, but that’s just a cop out.

Dealing with difficult people in the workplace is a common problem faced by many. It’s rare to be in an office surrounded only by nice and polite people. Of course, being “difficult” is just a relative term. The person you find difficult may not be perceived in the same vein by others.

This is not a “feel good” article, here you will be asked to own up the responsibility for dealing with the situation by making changes “within” you instead of asking for changes outside.

Why do we find certain people “difficult”?

It’s easy to label someone “difficult” but it requires honesty and introspection to determine why is it that we find someone “difficult”. Looking deep down, you will realize that most often than not the reason why you find someone difficult is due to a weakness you have within. Some obvious reasons would be as below.

• You feel threatened by a person’s presence because you feel timid inside
• The “difficult” person pushes certain sensitive buttons in you
• You can’t seem to outsmart this person
• This person might be showing you down and exposing your weakness
• You have a low self-esteem and this person seems to have seen through you

If you are honest, it easy to see that the problem is not outside but within. A simple truth to remember is – “No one can insult or berate you without your permission”. The “difficult” person’s behavior is not as important as your response to it.

May be you are a woman dealing with a “sexist” male who is trying to put you down or it could be that you are dealing with a colleague who is harassing you verbally. How you respond to the situation determines whether you play the victim or you take it as an opportunity for personal growth. If you allow the person to dominate you or if you just succumb to your weakness, there will be no growth for you at all.

Don’t give your power away to difficult people

When you are challenged you have two options, you can either “react” in an unconscious manner or “act” in a conscious manner. Reaction is always some form of violence. If someone is being difficult towards you, there is an immediate feeling of violence and hatred towards them. But is it really possible to “ultimately” solve problems of violence through violence? Has “tit for tat” really worked as a solution to any situation, except as a temporary fix? The answer is quite evident if you simply look at your past experiences.

Be a “Gandhian” – One man stood against a kingdom, his weapon was “non-violence” and he won the freedom for India. Mahatma Gandhi exemplified that freedom can be won not through “tit for tat” but through “ahimsa” or non-violence. Here was a man who was in full possession of “oneness” consciousness, for Gandhiji was not “against” the British people but he was only “for” Indian freedom. He did not look at British as the “evil ones” but went about standing for what he believed was the right of Indians.

Don’t give your power away through reaction – There is so much that one can learn from Mahatma Gandhi and apply to one’s daily life. Violence is not “ultimately” the answer to any situation, that’s like diffusing fire with gasoline. It can only create more suffering and pain. Violence can seem to solve your problems in the short run but in the long run you will see that it only makes your life more miserable by disempowering you.

Violence is always a reaction, and whenever you “react” you give your power away to the circumstances. Gandhiji did not give away his power to the Britishers, he did not attack them but he simply went in for “non-cooperation”. Never once did he give a “hate” talk, but he urged the people of India to stand by their rights through “non-cooperation”, a non-violent means of protest.

Compassion dissolves fear and hatred – If a person is being difficult towards you, reciprocate with kindness and compassion. Realize that he/she is disturbing you because they find you threatening in someway. He/she hates you because you instigate fear or insecurity in them. Sympathize with them and don’t let them push you into reaction. Stay calm and unaffected no matter how hard they try to disorient you. Always reply back with compassion.

Deep down we are all connected in “oneness”, this consciousness is the healer of all problems. When Jesus said “love your neighbor as yourself”, what he meant was that we are all one in essence. When this “difficult” person sees your non-violent response he/she will be stupefied. You will be surprised at how quickly they will stop their antagonist behavior; your non-reaction will break the pattern.

Non-violence is not weakness – Non-violence or “ahimsa” does not make you weak, violence does. Complaining, arguing, hate-talking and resentment are all different forms of violence to what is. It takes great strength to be compassionate whereas it’s easy to give in to reaction and hatred. You can only fight fire with water. There is an amazing power hidden within non-violence and forgiveness; every strong person has been in possession of this power. When you react you give your power away to circumstances, when stay grounded in “non-reaction”

Remember that the problem of dealing with difficult people at your workplace is just one challenge that life has presented. Use this as an opportunity to realize the power that is within you, instead of giving it way to others through reaction. Deal with this situation completely through compassion and “oneness” consciousness; see how miraculously the situation changes for the better.