How To Stop Being Insecure In A Relationship?

Every relationship that you hold in your life acts as a mirror through which you can see yourself, be it your relationship with your parents, siblings, friends, colleagues or your intimate partner. For most people, their relationship with their intimate partner is usually the most challenging – it’s so because an intimate relationship also become a “strong” mirror where you will see every facet of yourself reflecting back at you. So if you have several conflicts within you, it will become evident in your relationship. Feeling insecure in a relationship is just one such reflection of this mirror and in truth it has nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with “you”.

Signs that You are Being Insecure in the Relationship

Before we look at providing insights on overcoming insecure behavior in a relationship, it’s important to know the outward signs of being insecure in your relationship. Here are some obvious signs.

  1. Feeling constantly anxious about your partner leaving you.
  2. Feeling highly needy of your partner’s love and attention.
  3. Looking to your partner to provide a sense of completeness in your life.
  4. Feeling highly possessive of your partner.
  5. Spying on your partner.
  6. Feeling a lack of trust in your partner. (even if he/she has not done anything to warrant it.)

A relationship is supposed to be a “celebration” of life, not a source of anxiety and challenge. To share your life with another human being is a highly rewarding and fulfilling experience, and that’s what a relationship should deliver for you. If you are feeling insecure in a relationship, you defeat the very reason for having one and instead of it being a source of joy, it will be a source of pain for you.

In order to enjoy life, it’s important to feel secure; constant insecurity can be highly draining and energy sapping. In this article we will discuss some important pointers on how to stop being insecure in a relationship and experience the fulfillment that such a connection should ideally provide.

It’s Not About Your Partner, It’s About You

There is nothing more far from truth than to blame another for your insecurity. Nothing and no-one is responsible for your feeling of insecurity other than your own thoughts, perceptions and conditioning. If you want to feel secure, you need to change your inner conditioning and wrong vision. It’s easy to blame your partner, and ask him/her to change their behavior to make you feel more comfortable, but in the long term this will prove fatal for your relationship.

Use Your Insecurity as a Sign for Inner Transformation

Fear is a pointer, it points you to look within and sort out the conflict you have going on that is causing you to feel it. So if you are feeling insecure in your relationship, it points to some inner conflict you have within you and the only way you can overcome this fear, or insecurity, is by resolving his conflict. Stop avoiding this inner confrontation and be willing to look within yourself.

Overcome Your Lack Based Mentality

The biggest reason for insecurity in a relationship is because you feel a sense of lack within yourself and this lack manifests externally in you feeling anxious about “losing” some external aspects of your life like a relationship or money. The only way to overcome this mentality of lack is to acknowledge the power that resides in you to create the reality you want. It’s true that you can create anything that you desire, and the only reason why you don’t experience this truth is because of “lack” based conditioning present in you.

Go Inward and Find Out Who You Really Are

The root cause of all fears, and insecurity, is that we don’t know who we really are. In our mind we hold some ideas about who we are – we call ourselves human beings, we have a name, a status, a gender and stuff like that, but all of these are just labels and ideas, and they have nothing to do with you who really are. You are eternal consciousness, limitless, supreme intelligence, effortless creator and love itself, but you can’t ever realize this as long as you hold on to your “self image” (idea based identity). Who you are has become lost in a “dream” of imaging itself to be a limited person, wake up from this dream and realize your true potential.

The inner journey is about “self-realization”, about finding out your truth. Once you realize who you really are, it starts off a process of deconstructing the old conditioning of your mind, the end result being a complete liberation or freedom for all forms of insecurities. There are several authentic “awakened” teachers who can guide you t recognize your truth. This is the age of information and you can find the most profound teachings on the internet for free, use the information to liberate your mind from its wrong vision and you will find freedom for insecurity of every form.

Some authentic teachers who can be helpful are Adyashanti, Eckhart Tolle, Mooji, Abraham Hicks, they are all pointing you back to your truth even if they use different words to express it. You can check out most of their teachings on Youtube.

Your True Nature is Free of Dependency

The reason why we feel so “incomplete”, and seek fulfillment in relationships, is because we have become deluded from our natural state of being, or true nature. The most beautiful relationships are forged between people who don’t “need” anything from each other, but come together to share their love for each other. There is so much space, independence and joy in a relationship which is not forged in “dependency”.

The only way to be free of dependency is to find your true fulfillment within you, instead of seeking it externally through relationships, career or finance. Inner fulfillment will automatically create external circumstances that reflect this state of abundance back to you. Stop seeking externally and go within to find out your true nature, your true identity which will free you from all form of dependency.

It’s Not About Self-Improvement It’s About Self-Realization

The more you try to improve yourself the more you will find yourself lacking in your perfect image. In truth, you cannot ever improve your “self image” to a point where it feels complete, and a lack based self image will always be insecure about relationships and life in general. True freedom is to see beyond your self image and find out your true identity which is permanent and does not depend on anything external to be complete. Who you are is already completely and fulfilled every moment, but you can’t experience it unless you realize this truth consciously.

Overcoming Your Insecurity

To stop being insecure in a relationship you have you feel fulfilled and complete within, without that you will constantly be seeking from the outside and so you will constantly feel anxious and insecure. Once you find your “completeness” within, your relationship will automatically become conflict free and it will be a source of joy, till then it will always be a challenge. Tips and tricks don’t work to provide any lasting transformation; the only true freedom is the one that comes from “self realization”, of finding out who you are beyond the ideas you have of yourself. Wake up from the dream of thinking of yourself as a “limited” being and realize that in actuality you are limitless and free. Stop seeking love and realize that you “are” love itself.

Article by Sen for Outofstress.com. Find similar articles in our self help section.












2 comments

  • Tony says:

    Emily, God knows all about you. He knows everything that happened to you from your birth till now and beyond. Even though you’ve been mistreated, God expects you to sincerely forgive your adversaries. In doing this, you will set yourself free of the pain they caused, allowing God Himself to have vengeance and judgment upon them. God wants to heal you from all your hurt. Let Him.

  • Emily says:

    I unfortunately suffer from Insecurities, negative thoughts and jealousy. I have been this way starting from the first “love” to now. I was molested as a child, my mother was negative, jealous and bipolar. Traits passed down to me. I am 40 years old and this has taken way too much from me, I am ready for a positive change now or I fear I will commit suicide! I’m desperate to change this negativity in my life and I pray that these online articles can help with that!