Almost everyone has experienced a bad relationship at some point in their history of dating. In many cases after the relationship has ended women still consider trying again with that person. They’ll make up all sorts of excuses, place all the blame with external factors and/or themselves, and generally delude themselves about how the relationship really was. Some women do this because they fear being alone. Others do it because they are in a habit of taking all the blame for any issues. No matter why you might be considering rekindling the flame with a past bad relationship, you really shouldn’t. Below are some tips for how to move on from a bad relationship.
Write Down All the Bad Things
When you think back on recently ended relationships it is common to forget, or marginalize, those things that made you end the relationship in the first place. There are two reasons people do this. One is because change is hard and the second is because many people are worried they’ll be alone forever. Help yourself combat this tendency by reminding yourself of the reasons you broke up in the first place. Maybe he made you feel like being yourself was inferior or bad. Maybe he hurt you. Maybe he was obsessively controlling. Whatever the reason make sure you don’t minimize its importance. You deserve better.
Focus on You
You’ve just got out of a bad relationship. Relationships are hard enough to move on from, but bad relationships often involve needing to rebuild your self confidence as well. This is why it is important to focus on you. Get more involved with your hobbies. Clear out the clutter in your house, so your space is physically cleansed as your cleanse your life emotionally. Get back into an exercise routine you enjoy, preferably with friends. Do anything that makes you feel good about yourself.
This is particularly important in the early part of moving on from a bad relationship. Meeting up too soon means that you are still in the habit of being under their influence. No matter if you think you are over it in a few days/weeks, you aren’t because habits take a while to change. If you have similar circles of friends, try hanging out with friends you don’t see that often, or decide you will only do girl’s nights for a week weeks after ending a bad relationship. Whatever your method, don’t rush meeting up again. The longer the relationship, the long you will need to stay apart to ensure you are completely over them.
Think About What You Want
The end of relationships is the perfect time to consider what you want in life. Consider where you see yourself in 5, 10, 20, 30, even 40 years down the road. Think about your family, career and personal goals. A bad relationship helps you really realize what you don’t want, which in turn can help you focus in on what you do want. Think of the end of a bad relationship not so much as wasted time, but as a learning tool to help you asses and motivate you toward your goals.
No matter how you choose to move on from a bad relationship remember that you deserve to be treated as an equal and a treasure (as you should treat your boyfriend/partner in return). Finding a good relationship is a lot like picking fruit. There are a many that just aren’t right, some that are simply bad and a few that are perfect. It takes a lot of digging to find a good one, but eventually you will.