How Can I Stop Feeling Insecure?

Feelings of insecurity rob us of present moment happiness.

We constantly feel threatened even if our external surroundings impose no danger to our survival. It’s the mind’s habitual tendency to fixate on everything that “can” go wrong that causes most of our insecurities.

Most of our negative thoughts start with a “What if” so and so happens. What if my I get fired from my job, what if I get swine flu, what if I my wife is cheating on me, what if i get cancer.. the list just goes on. We live in the prison of our mind created reality which is sustained by “what if” thoughts.

An existence full of worries and insecurity, what’s the point? But that’s the way most of us live each moment.

It’s impossible to convince anyone to not feel insecure, how can you ever guarantee that their life will be perfect? Insecurity is created because our future is uncertain and that’s a fact – life is uncertain 100%. There are no guarantees. So you have every reason to feel terribly insecure.

The truth is that security is a lie. There is no such thing called stability or security as far as life is concerned. It meanders along at its own pace creating and destroying at the blink of an eye. When you can’t know for sure, with 100% certainty, what will happen to you the next day, is it not naive to look for security in life?

How to stop feeling insecure?

Embrace insecurity totally. Of course it’s easier said than done but this is the only way out of insecurity. You will feel secure once you are completely “okay” with the uncertainty of life. Then your mind will not hold you hostage with thoughts of insecurity.

Here a few pointers which you can use against your mind when it tries to frighten you with negative thoughts.

Embrace “not knowing” – If you are uncertain you are closer to truth than when you fully certain. The mind wants conclusions but life is always open ended. Get comfortable with “not knowing” and most of your insecurities will vanish. Have you noticed that the thing you are most certain about is what lets you down?

You can’t ever know what’s good for you. Just let live bathe you in experiences because that’s what this game is all about. When you are willing to soak, instead of resisting, life becomes a beautiful journey.

Failure is the best thing that will happen to you – Stop judging yourself on the basis of a failure or success. No success ever lasts, neither does failure. Everything in life is just an experience. Feel free to fail miserably, it’s the best growth experience you will ever have. After all, is it not true that success teaches you nothing while failure deepens you.

Obsessing about the future is just a waste of energy – Take no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought of itself – a simple yet profound saying. As Jesus said, “look at the lilies how the grow, they don’t toil and spin”. Plan your future if you must but don’t delude yourself that you can ever predict it. Be comfortable in the knowledge that everything works out for the good.

Nothing will last forever – Why do feel so scared to accept this simple truth of life. Everything that arises will subside eventually. All forms are subject to decay and death, it can be physical forms, relationships, businesses etc. Insecurity arises when we don’t embrace this truth. Life is all about birthing and dying.

“This shall also pass” – Just remember these words if you ever feel insecure about a life situation. The most miserable experiences have a time span for which they can last, and then they pass. Why not just look for the seed of growth in our experiences instead of dreading their presence.

Allow a deeper intelligence to guide you – Your mind is just a alarmist of the worst order. It filled with ideas of dread. It’s always expecting the worst and all it does is scare the hell out of itself. The truth is that you are not your mind. The awareness in which the mind noise arises is what you are in reality.

When you simply stay in silence you get in touch with your true nature of “pure awareness”. Deep wisdom flows in when you are in touch with this space. So when you feel insecure, just become silent for a while. The mind noise will threaten and shout, but you just stay effortless and silent. If you do this a deep intelligence will suddenly arise within you and either resolve your problem or give you the strength to cope with it.

Don’t run away from the pain – As hard as it might seem, you have no choice but to face the pain. If you run away from it, it will arise again and more strongly. If thoughts of insecurity arise within you, don’t shield yourself by taking the protection of alcohol, entertainment or food. Face it, become deeply one with it and be completely aware of it. You don’t have to analyze it. Just stay as the silent presence till it’s done with its play.

Write down your problems – If you are feeling insecure about a future situation, it’s very helpful to write down the exact nature of the problem. Just writing it down will help clear up mind.

You will be amazed at the various solutions you can come up with once you put down your problems on paper instead of twirling it around in your mind. Be very objective in how you approach the problem. If you really don’t know how to solve it, just become comfortable with the feeling of not knowing.

Live in the moment – It’s beautiful how life always takes care of anything that comes in the present moment. You have the resources, the strength, the physical ability and the intelligence to handle any situation that is in your present moment awareness. Yet we keep trying to solve an imaginary problem which we expect the future to bring in.

It’s tough, but very liberating to let go of this neurotic need to live in the future. Of course to live in the now is not easy for the ego because its roots are in the past and future. You have to be unattached to the noise of the mind to stay in the now.

Thoughts of insecurity will arise. There will be no stop to it. The mind by its very nature is always insecure. The secret is to by detached to the mind, then its horror tales will not influence you. This is the only true liberation from insecurity.












5 comments

  • Alistair says:

    Hey you speak a lot of truth and sound like you’ve mastered this problem that some people have as I never felt like this till I hit the age of 19-21 when my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. It always felt as though she took away my confidence and a part of me away but in reality I think I was creating this scenario inside of my own head. It slowly took a hold of me getting more deeper and deeper. I now realize I have no one to blame for this but myself as i have made this fiction a reality. I am now trying to change these party of my self as I will not let myself feel insecure.

  • Akhil says:

    Good Tips. But I am a person submersed in negativity. I tried this type of tips for at-least 1000 times. But not got any permanent solution.

  • Sen(Author) says:

    Joanna – Start developing the practice of staying as a detached witness of your mind’s movement. This practice will help you wake up from total identification with the mind’s thoughts and it will allow a new intelligence to start operating in your life. With time you will notice yourself becomes more stable in your awareness. You will then have the choice to stay detached from the mind’s negativity and allow it to fade away in power. Remember that it’s your unconscious attention to the mind’s movement that gives it power. Once you develop the practice of detaching your attention from the mind’s negativity it will slowly start fading away on its own.

  • Joanna says:

    I totally understand what you are saying but don’t think I am strong enough to get the insecurities out of my head!

  • Thandi says:

    This is the best advice ever.