12 Ways To Heal Yourself After a Break-Up (By Acceptance, Inquiry & Forgiveness)

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Dealing with a break-up can be very painful and emotionally draining. It’s normal to have feelings ranging from sadness to acute depression depending upon how emotionally attached you were to the relationship.

When you are in a relationship you make yourself very vulnerable, because of the emotional attachment, and a break-up can leave you feeling deeply hurt and shattered.

How to heal yourself after a break-up

A break-up can leave emotional scars that can act up and affect your future relationships if you are not careful.

Therefore, it’s important to bounce back from a break-up without creating any suppressed emotions that can well up later.

Here are 14 things you can do to heal yourself after a break-up.

1. Accept that it’s over forever

You cannot hope to erase the pain unless you face it head on. The best starting point to getting over a break-up is to first accept fully and completely that the relationship has come to an end permanently and that there is no looking back from here on.

If there is even the slightest denial in your mind or heart there is little hope for a complete recovery. Through denial you are only going to prolong your suffering.

2. Respect yourself

Never blame yourself for a break-up. Be kind to yourself and your feelings. There is life after a break up and chances are that the right person is out there looking for you just at this very moment. Don’t you want to meet that special person that God has created only for you?

Respect yourself enough to give yourself another chance to be happy.

3. Let the tears flow

Whatever be your gender, sorrow will lead to tears. Suppressing the urge to cry can lead to harmful side effects.

Crying allows the body to expend the suppressed pain and release the negative energy. You will notice a feeling of lightness once you cry through a painful experience.

Getting over a break-up can be emotionally draining and it’s important to be gentle on yourself by letting go of the need to control your emotions.

3. Get in touch with your grief

One reason why you suffer after a break-up is because of the painful emotions felt in the body.

Thoughts translate to emotions and they are felt in the form of physical sensations like a constriction near the solar plexus, tightening of the chest, intense pressure in the arms etc.

Bring your attention consciously to these physical sensations and keep it there till they subside. This is a very powerful practice and can help transmute your pain into peace.

4. Question your suffering

After the initial burst of emotions, there is bound to be some calm. This is the time for some clear introspection so that you don’t have to go through this suffering again.

Here are the questions you should ask yourself, it helps to write down the answers instead of just mulling it over in the mind.

  • Can I be really sure that this break up is a bad thing for me?
  • Can find out at least 5 good reasons why this break-up is a good thing?

You will be amazed at sense of relief and peace you will feel if you work through the above questions with an open heart.

Be sure to write out 5 reasons even if you find it difficult to come up with even one initially. Self inquiry is the best way to get over a break-up because it eats through all our misplaced thoughts that cause suffering.

5. Forgive and let go

There is so much power in true forgiveness that it has the capacity to heal the deepest of wounds.

Hate, resentment, anger and spite would be the normal emotions you will feel towards your ex after the break-up.

But ask yourself if you are willing to pollute your life with these negative feelings. You can never recover from these feelings fully unless you forgive your ex and yourself for everything that happened.

You may get angry reading this but it’s true that whatever happens always happens for the good. That’s why life makes much more sense when looked at backwards.

You were meant to have this experience to enrich you and help you grow; don’t hate anyone for helping you have this experience.

6. Focus on the positive

Don’t let the negativity consume you. Sit down and ponder a bit on all the positive things in your life. Be it friends, your job, family, your hobbies – whatever it is, they compose the list of things that bring you happiness.

Focusing on them and realizing that there are so many more good things in your life than bad is going to bring you a shift in perspective.

It will make it easier to move on from the catalyst of your current heartbreak.

7. Pamper yourself for a while

It hurts when you live through a break up. You need to replace the negative feelings created in your heart (and which influences every part of the body) with positive feelings.

The easiest way to create positive feelings is to indulge in yourself.

Do something you love – go to the movies; go for a world tour or a great tourist destination for a great vacation; treat yourself for a special body massage; start a new hobby; binge of some food you love; exercise, do Yoga; etc.

Center all your attention on your happiness for a while. Wash away your hurt by indulging yourself.

You might even try to use your free time for a professional course or learning a new language. Keeping your mind occupied in creative activities is a great way to cope with a break up.

8. Connect with people who uplift you

Keep yourself surrounded by well-meaning friends and family with whom you could openly converse regarding your feelings. The more you are able to vocalize these feelings, the better you will be able to deal with a break-up.

You will be surprised how wonderful the love of your family feels after or during a break up. You will realize how much love you are taking for granted while you are crying for the one love that is no more yours.

Count your blessings in the love of your family, your close friends and renew these wonderful emotional bonds.

9. Allow yourself to heal

Understand that it takes time for you to stop feeling the hurt in your heart. Give yourself the time to heal.

Do not throw yourself into new relationships immediately after a break up. Raw emotions would almost always give you the wrong reasons to forge new relationships. Look for new relationships only when you can look back on the broken one without pain.

Learn from the relationship and move ahead. Do not use it as a leverage against the person who broke up with you.
Realize that the hurt would leave you gradually just as a wound would gradually heal.

If you want, you can engage in spiritual activities like meditation, working with crystals, yoga, music, travel etc. to help you heal.

10. Forget the revenge mode

Falling in and falling out of love happens. It is sad – but it happens. Accept this as a fact and do not seek revenge for being set aside for another person.

Break up are usually emotionally shattering because they are interpreted as rejection. However, it is not rejection. It is a way to say that “I am not getting what I want from you.” This is fine – nothing personal.

Everybody is entitled to their opinion and happiness. Respect this choice and forget revenge. When you hate or plot for revenge, you can never let go of the past. Remember, “Revenge is the confirmation of pain.”

It also ties you up with the past – never allowing you to really move ahead. Do you really want that?

11. Let go of the past

Aim ahead. Do all that you find possible to move on as normally as possible.

The most important thing you need to be aware of is that life moves on and that anything that hurt you in the past is going to remain just there – in the past. Don’t let life outrun you.

Keep moving on, get yourself engrossed in new things. Here are some simple rituals to help you let go of the past.

12. Open yourself to a new relationship

Life is either one beautiful adventure or nothing at all. Live it in this spirit and open yourself to all the experiences that life wishes to give you.

There is a seed of grace in every experience if you just look for it. Don’t close your heart to future relationships but allow yourself to be more loving and open.

Suffering creates a depth in our hearts so that we can accommodate more love.

Summing it up

In conclusion, to heal yourself after a painful break-up is bound to take time and there will be several moments of suffering and grief.

Only through acceptance, inquiry and forgiveness can you transmute the pain into peace. This experience will add a depth to your heart and you will come out a better person.

Understand that everything happens for the good. Use this event as a learning measure for self growth. This is just a step in your journey towards finding the true love of your life.


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About the Author
Taylor Blanchard is a life coach and a freelance mental health and wellness writer. Her lived experience and extensive knowledge on mental health, emotional wellness, and spirituality guide her to create deep, compassionate blog posts, which she hopes will help people to feel less alone in the world. Self-care for Taylor looks like staring at the sky, drinking cacao while listening to metal, or cuddling with her rescue Pitbull...  visit author page.
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