“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future,” wrote Charles Fulton Oursler, aka Anthony Abbot for the lovers of detective fiction (a shout-out to all of you guys out there!)
Now, the reason why Oursler decided to use such strong words as “crucify” and “thieves” is, I believe, threefold.
First of all, because, sometimes, the only thing that can shake us from the drowsiness and the lethargy of our everyday existence is strong language.
When I was in high school, I couldn’t get out of bed no matter how many times my mother tried telling me gently that it’s time; but all it took was a one “On your feet – stat!” from my father and I was already in the bathroom, brushing my teeth (OK, sometimes I skipped that part… sorry, Liz!)
Secondly, because Oursler wanted to make a not-so-subtle biblical reference to the scene of Jesus’ crucifixion. Remember: he was hung between two thieves as well.
And thirdly and finally, because he wanted to use this allusion as a stepping stone to reach out to us and implicitly remind us that there is always a way out.
In other words, that you can revive your faith in your own future; you just need to bury the past first.
#1. The Transition Stage I: Forgiveness
Easier said than done, right?
Well, it doesn’t have to be!
Let’s go back to our analogy via everybody’s favorite modern spiritual guru, Eckhart Tolle.
Speaking on Oprah a few years ago, Tolle (to the surprise of Winfrey) once again made his excellent point that letting go of the past is the natural result of forgiveness by referring to few words uttered by Jesus while on the cross.
“Forgive them,” says Christ as his life is nearing to an end, “for they know not what they do.”
A beautiful pointer, not only because it’s applicable, but also because it’s undoubtedly true.
Just ask yourself: how can you feel a sense of regret over something you did in the past without being able to even suppose the future consequences of your actions? It’s basically like you’re regretting over the fact that you didn’t guess any of the winning lottery ticket numbers!
Of course if you had known them, you would have picked them up! And, of course, if you had known that you wouldn’t be able to find a job for a year, you would have accepted that last offer! But the fact is: you couldn’t have known all of that in the past, and you can’t blame yourself for being unconscious then in the present.
What you can do is forgive yourself – or them – for not knowing.
Also Read: 29 quotes to help you let go of the past.
#2. The Transition Stage II: Acceptance
The Ancient Greek Stoic philosophers were acutely aware of the link between knowledge and happiness.
In their opinion, there was basically no difference between being wise and being happy. They believed that the perfect sage is the one who is wise enough to tell the difference between the things he controls and those he has no control over.
And they trained themselves to distinguish between the two so that – as the remarkably Stoic Serenity Prayer suggests – they can change the things they can and accept the ones they can’t.
Obviously, until someone invents a fully functional Time Machine, no amount of crying and shouting can help you alter even an ounce of the past or propel you forward through time so that you can get a glimpse of the future.
The present is the only terrain where you are allowed to make any types of adjustments. So, what’s the point of leaving it to visit once again the past and the future, the former firmly set in stone, the latter yet to be written?
Eckhart Tolle sums this up nicely in “The Power of Now”:
“All negativity is caused by an accumulation of psychological time and denial of the present. Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”
#3. The Metamorphosis: A Tattoo Across Your Face
“The Big Kahuna” – one of my favorite movies – ends with two monologues I’ve articulated out loud so many times that it’s an understatement to say that I know them by heart. In fact, I’m pretty sure that, by now, at least half of my friends know them by heart!
Now, the second of the two is the famous “Wear Sunscreen” Guide to Life for Graduates by Mary Schmich, which, among much other useful advice, contains this pretty appropriate sentence as well:
“Don’t worry about the future; or worry but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.”
However, the one referenced in the title is the first one, uttered by an experienced marketing rep to an earnest young Baptist just after an all-important sales pitch falls through because of the latter.
Among other things, the marketing rep tells the inexperienced boy that, whether he knows it or not, he has already done plenty of things to regret. It’s only when he discovers them – he adds – he will be able to gain character, because “honesty will reach out from inside and tattoo itself across your face.”
The point?
Our character is basically the sum of how we deal with our regrets. Facing and accepting them as part of the past means becoming a person capable of embracing the forthcoming. The longer we deal with them, the longer we block ourselves from the future.
(By the way, after my sister broke up with her boyfriend of nine and a half years, she got herself an actual tattoo on her ankle. It’s a violin-key-shaped verse from a song by “Pink Floyd”: “…killing the past and coming back to life.” Yes, that’s a pretty straightforward piece of advice.)
#4. The Window of Opportunity: Experiment
“Twenty years from now,” Mark Twain has supposedly written somewhere, “you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
Twain or not, you can’t say it much better than that, can you?
