I turned 30 over the past few days! And I have to admit, it felt pretty DAMN GOOD. The truth has to be told: I have always wanted to be 30 since I was a little girl. In my mind, I have always been a very old soul and I always felt like I don’t fit in with my friends throughout school.
I believe that being an adult makes you so much cooler than being a kid. I always dreamed in my childhood bedroom of going to a high-powered job, wearing a high line skirt and heels in my floor-to-ceiling window, a corner office in NYC. Yes, this is true! Other kids dreamt about barbies – but hey! That was me being a weirdo haha!
Well, here I am today, at age 30, grateful and living my life how I always wanted. I am so incredibly grateful for everything I have done – and the life I am living is even better than I imagined since I was a little girl. At this stage I am now, I wanted to share some things I have learned about myself and others over the past 30 years to celebrate and mark this new chapter of my life!
Things I Learned at Age 30
1. Attitude is everything
I’m a glass-half-full person and that has served me very well in my life. Life doesn’t always go our way, and not very often we have all the things together. But, I always managed to find the bright side of all bad things that happen.
You really can find a silver lining in every complicated situation if you try. If you take every difficulty as a lesson you will be able to move forward and grow from it. Each obstacle is teaching you something!
2. Meditation is life changing
I have been meditating every single morning for the last four years straight. I have never skipped a day – and that is because it made me feel like I reached anything I want.
I always believed that meditation is my ‘kryptonite’ – I’m serious! I went to a class and learned how to practice meditation which is a silent 20-minute practice that great leaders around the world prefer to do. It made me smarter, sharper, more patient, and most importantly, happier.
And it makes sense: it has been scientifically proven to do just that!!!
3. Keep your circle small
When I was a kid I wanted to be friends with everyone! I wanted everyone to like me. But at this stage, I am simply FRIENDLY to everyone and have narrowed down my circle of friends that get my undivided attention.
We all know that it is impossible to maintain a million friendships and give them all your time and energy. If you try to have numerous friendships – that will drain your energy. Advice: start ‘minimize’ your circle – if you haven’t done that already.
I revaluated my circle in my mid-twenties – especially after moving to NY. I felt very guilty at first. I felt like I was doing something wrong, but at the end of the day, if it feels like a ‘job’ seeing someone, then that’s just not a ride-or-die person for you.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t still be friends with them, but you have to part your ways with them and put all your good energy into your friendships that matter to you. And remember: your best friends are the ones who SHOULD love you, and lift you up and not drain your energy.
4. Pay attention to your energy
Women are usually very intuitive. If you have been getting a bad feeling from someone when you meet them or you are having a bad gut instinct about a business deal – pay attention to that! I will give you a real-life example of when I really didn’t listen to my gut.
Back then, I decided to work with a company that a lot of bloggers have worked with. The company I applied to work at was extremely rude – but I thought they wanted to be more exclusive! The whole time we were negotiating I had such a bad vibe, but I completely ignored that inner voice because of that exclusivity factor.
Well, my gut instinct was right and the people were awful, unprofessional, and chaotic. They over promised and under delivered. They tried to trick me but thank my lawyer – he caught them. I don’t know why I wanted to do business with them, maybe they seemed cool.
But you know what – NEVER AGAIN. I learned my lesson – trust your gut & pay attention to energy!
5. You don’t have to like everyone. Not everyone will like you.
This is a true statement! You will have to accept this – because it is very true. Stop worrying about what other people think of you!
“The world is going to judge you no matter what you do, so live your life the way you want to.” And on the other hand, stop forcing yourself to like someone!
If you don’t like someone, you don’t – and that is okay! Be polite and kind, but remember that we are all different. If we were all the same – can you imagine how boring the world would be?
6. The way someone treats you reflects how they feel about themselves
I was told this by my therapist, a couple of years ago and I think this is so true. We all know people who radiate love, joy, happiness and are supportive uplifting you every time they see you.
This happens because they love themselves, they have found their joy and happiness within, this allows them to share it with others. On the contrary, you also know a few people who are very toxic, negative, judgemental, and haters. They do not feel good about themselves, they even hate themselves.
This could happen because they went through tough things in their life, most of the time trauma. These are some of the things others wouldn’t understand. Ironically, these are the people that need love the most, so you should try to understand them and take nothing personally. (That’s a hard one)
7. Don’t take anything personally
This goes without saying. Most of the time, people are just taking their distractions and frustrations to other people. Not taking things personally it’s very difficult, but it’s a MUST.
If your manager is angry with you over a mistake you are directly responsible for, just remember, do not take things personally, avoid at all costs getting emotional, there is no good from it.
Instead, just accept their “feedback” and make the necessary changes. You know better. Handle the task and move on. You should be professional. Learn from it and swallow your pride. And at the end of the day, this really does feel good. Not letting people get under your skin.
8. Accept people for that they really are
I wish it didn’t, but it took me a very long time to be able to do this. By trying to change family members and certain friends, I would really exhaust myself, trying to advise them, by taking extra care of them, trying to change them. I arrived at a certain point where I learned three things;
First, I don’t have the answers to all the questions. Second, I really need to let people live their lives. Three, I need to really be accepting and supportive, if I want them to be in my life. Of course, every now and then I try to give them advice, if I can, but you just have to think that everyone is doing their best they can. So let them be.
Most of the time it’s best if you just listen, then give your thoughts. Especially with that one friend that has been in a toxic relationship for 2 years.
9. Social media is often very toxic
I’m really happy I got to be young in my mid-twenties, free of the intensity of Social Media. I really know how incredibly toxic these platforms are, even though they are a huge part of my job.
People posing and uploading pics of themselves to get comments and likes from people they don’t really care about. And the person with more likes and comments is somehow ranked better than the other guys.
Comparing your life with people’s edited, glossy, certain angle, perfect-looking moments that only show a tiny sliver of their actual lives. There is always pressure to look a certain way and to always be trendy and uploading every move you make.
It is a lot, really. We can all relate, so I don’t really have to go much more in detail. This platform has created a very skewed perspective/reality, and I really struggle with that. Don’t really know when it will end, but until then, I’m going to make sure I use social media the way it makes me feel better, by creating content that I love.
10. Be nice
The world is at a very very small pace. Be nice to everyone, it does not cost anything. What comes around goes around. That intern guy will probably end up as a VP of a company someday, so pay it forward.
11. Save money
I was terrible at saving money, back when I was very young. But luckily, a few years ago I started saving, and I’m really happy I did start. We never know what will happen in the future.
To save money I use an application called QAPITAL, and it really helps me save money, transfer dollars to and from my savings. It really helps.
12. Do not gossip
“Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people“, is one of the best quotes that I really love. Start thinking big ideas and go make things happen. Gossip will not take you anything.
13. Take good care of yourself (before you have to)
I want to look good and live a long healthy life. This is one of the main reasons why I heat healthy. Eating healthy will help you maintain a lifestyle that is a healthy and good feeling.
14. Never lose your inner child
Always remember, never lose your inner child.
Even since I was a little kid, I always wanted to be an adult, and I really enjoy the responsibilities of owning and running a business. But I never want to forget to have fun. Life is meant to be enjoyed.
Your thirties are just like your twenties except the recovery takes longer. You should really see who is around you because the people surrounding you right now are the ones who will be for you for a long time. Mental and physical health is very important. Pay attention to your work, but never leave your mind and body behind. Pay special attention to your body. Take this advice from someone who knows a lot of people who have gone through a lot of things.
Elissa Berger is a professional personal life coach. She wants to support individuals who are in transition to create long-term sustainable change in their lives.