You come across all kinds of people in this world – some who drain you, some who uplift you, and some who have a neutral effect on you.
The kind of effect someone has on you depends on how similar your level of consciousness and your vibrational frequency is in comparison to the other.
If your levels do not match, you are going to find the person irritating, boring, draining or even depressing. These people are basically NOT your type. Let’s call them the ‘wrong’ people.
But if your levels match, you will find the person interesting, fun, uplifting and positive. Let’s call these people the ‘right’ people.
If you are constantly surrounded by the wrong people, it won’t be long before you start feeling demotivated, uninspired, drained and in some cases, down right miserable.
This is why, it is crucial that you try your best to reduce your interaction with such people.
It might not be possible to completely throw out wrong people out of your life, for example, they could be your family members, colleagues, partners or even strangers that you need to interact with on a day to day basis. But what you can do instead is balance the wrong with the right. In other words, you need to find more people who uplift and energize you in comparison to people who drain you.
Take a moment and think of how many uplifting people you have in your life right now? Make a list of such people. If your list is too small, or even worse, if you cannot name a single person in your life right now who you find uplifting, you have work to do.
How do you attract good people into your life?
In this article, we are going to look at 10 steps to attract the right people into your life using the Law of attraction (LOA). But before we do that, here’s a powerful story that explains to you the importance of attracting the right people and the secret to doing so.
There was once a lion cub (let’s name him Simba) who by mistake makes its way into a sheep’s herd. The mother sheep accepts Simba and decides to raise him as her own. Upon growing up, Simba faces constant humiliation and ridicule from the other sheep owing to how different he was from the herd.
One day an older lion comes across this flock of sheep and is surprised to find a young lion roaming with the sheep and eating grass. Not able to believe its eyes, the older lion decides to investigate. It chases Simba down and asks why he was roaming with the sheep. Simba trembles in fear and pleads the older lion to spare him for he was just a meek little sheep. The older lion drags Simba to a lake nearby and upon seeing his reflection in the lake, Simba realizes who he really was – a lion and not a sheep.
Simba is joyous and lets out a huge roar the frightens the living daylights out the sheep who were hiding nearby.
No longer will Simba be ridiculed by the other sheep as it had found its true identity. It had found its true tribe.
Another story on these same lines is the one of ‘the ugly duckling’.
Here’s what this story teaches you about attracting the right people into your life:
1. This story teaches you that when you are surrounded by the wrong people, they make you feel like a misfit even though there is nothing wrong with you.
2. Another important lesson from the story is that the first step toward finding your tribe and attracting the right people into your life is to realize your true identity.
The young lion in the story does not know its true identity and hence it was with the wrong tribe. But when it looked at its reflection in the river, which is akin to self reflection, it realized who it truly was.
How do you know you are with a right person?
Before we look at the 10 steps to attracting the right people, here’s how you know you are with the right person.
- He/She does not make you feel uncomfortable (you can be yourself in their company without any pretense).
- He/She does not judge you.
- He/She does not drain you with their presence.
- He/She understands you and likes you for who you are.
- He/She respects your privacy.
- He/She does not take advantage of you.
- He/She is not jealous of you or competitive with you.
- He/She has similar likes and dislikes as you.
- He/She has a similar intellect as you.
- He/She is encouraging of you.
- He/She has the same level of consciousness as you.
And it goes without saying that all the above is reciprocated by you.
So now the question is, how do you find such a person? How do you attract people like this into your life? Let’s find out.
10 steps to attract the right people into your life
As already established in the story of Simba, in order to attract the right people into your life, it is important that you know who you are and be completely accepting of yourself.
You cannot be in hate with your own personality, likes and interests. In other words, you need to be true to yourself and not carry a fake persona just to fit in.
1. Know yourself
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle
It’s time for introspection. Be genuine with yourself and find out what your likes are and separate them from the things that you do, just to ‘fit in’.
Write this down on a piece of paper if you want. As you do this exercise you will realize that there are things that you genuinely like doing and then there are things that you don’t like doing, but do it anyway to please your parents, teachers, and peers.
For instance, you might have taken up a course at school/college just because it is the ‘in thing’ and not necessarily because you are interested in it. And because you did that, you also got surrounded by the wrong people who you could not relate with.
So find out the things that you love from your heart and write them down on a paper. In another column, write down the things that you dislike but do it because of peer pressure or just to please others.
2. Know your personality type
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” – E.E. Cummings
Ask yourself what kind of personality you have and what kind of personalities you find interesting in others. Make a list of this as well.
For instance, are you laid back or hyper? Are you introverted or extroverted? Would you rather just stay at home and read a good book or party out with your friends? If you are introverted and laid back, you will certainly not like to be around people who have a extroverted hyper personality. Being around outgoing extroverted people, if you genuinely prefer staying indoors can be a draining experience.
You need not necessarily take a personality test to figure out your personality. You can do so just by doing some self introspection.
Try to spend some time alone, in solitude to figure out more hidden aspects of your personality.
3. Come to terms with your core personality traits
“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” – Carl Jung
From the lists you made above, find out which personality traits you like and which ones you hate. And then from the ones you hate, find out if it has any one of your core personality traits.
Core traits are those that are ingrained deep inside you and those that cannot be changed. These traits are hardwired into you.
For instance, your sexuality is a core trait. Let’s say a person is gay and is in hate with his sexuality. Now all his life he will need to be in the company of straight people, who he cannot relate to. He will need to dawn this fake persona which will never allow him to attract real friends who understand him.
So if you are in hate with a core trait, you need to get that resolved and accept yourself and that trait.
Find out why you are in hate with that trait; is it because of the society? Is it because of your peers? Is it out of fear? Remember that even if your personality traits come across as negative as per societal standards, it does not necessarily mean they are negative. It is just that the particular society that you live in, deems it as negative.
Introversion for instance, is deemed as negative and extroversion is deemed as a positive trait. But in reality, history is proof that introverts have contributed immensely to the society in contrary to how the society treats them.
4. Throw away your fake persona & accept yourself for who you are
“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
Accepting yourself is one of the most crucial steps, because if you do not accept yourself, you will find is hard to come across people who do.
So start accepting yourself and knowing that you do not need to change for the society. You do not need to ‘fit in’. Remember that every personality trait is unique and important in its own way.
So learn to respect your personality and throw away the fake persona. By doing so, you will automatically create a conducive atmosphere around yourself to attract the right kind of people.
But accepting your positive and so called negative traits, you are now ready to attract the right kind of people into your life. People who will respect you for who you are and not try to change you for their own benefit. People who will uplift you and help you reach your true potential.
Here is a collection 101 quotes that will encourage you to be yourself.
5. Start putting yourself first
“Whenever you feel compelled to put others first at the expense of yourself, you are denying your own reality, your own identity.” – David Stafford
When you start putting yourself first, you automatically start reducing the influence of negative or the wrong people in your life. In-fact, a lot of these people will start to distance themselves from you when they start realizing that you can no longer be exploited. Also, when you put yourself first, you free up energy to attract better people into your life.
Start by saying NO to things that do not interest you. If the wrong people invite you to hang out with them, say NO. Start valuing your time and energy. Spend your time wisely working toward your goals.
Need some inspiration? Check out these 36 quotes that will inspire you to always put yourself first.
6. Reduce engaging with the wrong people
“Where your attention goes, energy flows.”
A good way to cut out wrong people from your life is to first cut them out of your mind. Don’t give them your mind space. In other words, try your best not to think too much about them. Whenever a thought comes to your mind that involves a negative person, refocus your attention and think of someone that you admire or find to be a positive influence.
If you have a tough time dealing with thoughts, read this article on how to effectively deal with obsessive thoughts using 3 simple techniques.
Also, let go of feelings of hate and revenge toward these people. When you hate someone, you are automatically bound to think about them a lot which is counterproductive. So the best thing to do is to let go of these negative feelings and free your energy up.
Similarly, even in real life, try to minimize your interactions with these people. Keep it to a bare minimum. Do not by any means get into an argument with them or give them more engagement time.
The less you engage with these people, the sooner they will make their way out of your life.
7. Believe that there are good people out there
“All of us have our own inner fears, beliefs, opinions. These inner assumptions rule and govern our lives. A suggestion has no power in and of itself. Its power arises from the fact that you accept it mentally.” – Joseph Murphy
Limiting beliefs in your subconscious mind keep you from achieving your dreams and in this cause will keep you from attracting the right kind of people into your life. And one such belief is that good people do not even exist in this world.
It’s easy to develop this kind of belief when you have been living amidst the wrong people for a long time.
So figure out if you have such a belief existing within you. Become aware of this belief and stop giving it your unconscious attention. Whenever you have thoughts related to this belief, change your thoughts to positive beliefs that there are good people out there and that they are soon going to come into your life.
8. Believe that you deserve to be with good people
“I am worthy. I deserve all the good things in life. There is nothing too good for me.” – Rev. Ike
As mentioned in the previous point, subconscious beliefs are powerful and they keep you from attracting good things into your life.
One of the most common beliefs that many of us hold is that you don’t deserve something, that you are not good enough to deserve it. Stay aware of your thoughts and figure out if you have thoughts that tell you that you do not deserve good people into your life. Whenever you get such thoughts, shift your focus to positive thoughts that you are indeed deserving of all the good things in life and this includes good people and friends.
“To accomplish great things we must first dream, then visualize, then plan, believe, act!” – Alfred A. Montepert
Once you have worked on your limiting beliefs, visualization is one of the most powerful ways to attract good things into your life.
Spend time visualizing yourself being with by positive, uplifting people. As you visualize, try to feel the amount of freedom and positive energy you feel within when being around such people.
The two best times to visualize are early in the morning after waking up and before going to bed.
10. Take action
The final step is to take action. But don’t worry too much about this step. The right action will come naturally to you once you know yourself and being to discard all the limiting thinking patterns in your mind. For instance, you might get a sudden inspiration to travel, to attend a conference, join a program or to take with a stranger.
So you need not force yourself to do anything. If it comes naturally and if it feels right, go ahead and do it. The important thing is to continue to spend time knowing and understanding yourself. The more self aware and self assured you become, the better your chances of attracting the right person into your life.